


Love Notes

by Iggy_Lovechild



Category: Hellsing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 19:37:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iggy_Lovechild/pseuds/Iggy_Lovechild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While investigating Alucard's basement lair, Integra discovers a secret that boggles her mind and threatens to change the dynamics of their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Notes

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters created by Kohta Hirano, who is incidentally not me. 
> 
> This story features elements from a blog I co-run on tumblr. The love notes are from a series of romantic/erotic posts I call "Midnight Confessional" or "Love Notes" if I'm posting during the day. 
> 
> This may become a multi-chaptered fic.

**"Love Notes"**

I wasn't really snooping. This is my estate after all, even if the basement is his lair. I was bored, curious, and maybe just a little bit anxious. Alucard was out on a job and it always made me nervous. Every hunter in my employment garnered the same anxiety and perhaps I shouldn't have been so worried with Alucard, but he'd earned it nonetheless. 

In the five years since he'd been revived, I'd scarcely been beyond the massive room that held his throne and a monolithic wine rack filled with red wines. Yet I knew there were at least a half dozen chambers beyond that room and I had been wondering what had been done with them. I found a large bed dominating one cell, and as well it had a standing closet that I couldn't resist peeking into. Turned out Alucard's clothing really was material. Hmm...or perhaps they were only material when not on his body. My face flamed as a rather illicit mental image of my servant naked flared through my mind. It was less that my modesty had been disturbed and more unsettling that I didn't find the thought unappealing. No, not one bit. 

I scoffed softly as I left the room to continue down the hall, pausing only to light a cigarillo. I'd made peace with my attraction to him. He was an alluring creature, a fact that could not be denied. So _what_ if I'd never found any mortal man quite so pleasing? Courting was very low on my list of priorities. 

Other cells were barren save for wooden coffins or crates of earth, another had a wet room shower, but the very last room left me spell bound. Bigger than the other, it was a library and sitting room. In its center was a desk buried under half opened books, journals, and scattered pages. My god, he was messy. I compulsively began to reorganize his desk, shutting and stacking open books and gathering up loose papers. Most of them were blank but a few were scrawled with his tidy hand-writing. I glanced over one out of curiosity: 

_I am suffering under this longing. Every minute of every day is another in which I do not touch you. I can barely stand it, though the agony is surely exquisite._

I felt a bit flustered and wondered who he was writing these notes for. Some long, lost lover, quite likely. I scanned through some others, chuckling lightly. Who would have guessed Count Dracula was a romantic? It was a fun little exercise for awhile, thinking perhaps I'd tease him about it later. 

And then I began to find words that devastated me;

_There is nothing that I would deny you. My heart, my soul, this wretched body is yours to punish, to reward, to neglect. Even to stand in your shadow is more than I deserve._

Yet another read:

_I have found freedom in bondage. To lose all of the things I thought were important was a pain that I’d imagined—no, I’d hoped—would kill me. Now I only long to die by your kiss and suffer under your touch. I no longer know if you have redeemed or ruined me._

My hands shook to read these things:

_I crave you. Not just for your blood and body, but your mind as well your soul. I am so utterly in your thrall and should hate it. In the past I would have destroyed you. I’d have stalked, ruined, and ripped you from your moral coil. A disgusting notion now, but even knowing that I am capable of this monstrosity, you torment me. I am happy to crawl for your pleasure, to twist, burn, and be collared and chained by you._

I couldn't breathe, and my body _ached_. These love notes, his beautiful, reverent, twisted devotion, were meant for me. You did not write in such a way toward a passing fancy. My servant appeared to be quite desperately in love. I sat down slowly in the desk's hard, wooden chair and dropped the sheath of papers in my lap. Some fluttered to the floor, but I paid them no heed. I could not process this, it was like a hammer to my chest. 

"This is a pleasant surprise."

_Oh, god._

I struggled to save face. Shuffling the papers into some kind of order as I cleared my throat, I mustered up a good sharp eye for him. 

"Your desk is a mess," I commented. 

He chuckled as he stepped forward and plucked a fallen page off the floor. I prayed that it was blank; his wicked grin told me it was far from. 

_If she would let me, I’d happily map out entire countries on her tawny skin. With lips, tongue, fingertips, whatever she wished for._

To hear the words out loud made me shiver. I wrapped an arm around my midsection and covered my face with my other hand. "Oh my god, Alucard! What do you expect me to do with this?"

I glowered up at him when he was silent, and his expression was utterly placid. Without looking, I grabbed a scrap of paper off the desk and stalked over to him. 

"Answer me! What do you hope to gain?"

Alucard's crimson eyes narrowed and his pleasant smile turned a bit nasty. "I could certainly ask you the same thing. If you're going to snoop through a man's personal business, you ought to expect unpleasant surprises."

I slapped him hard, stuffed the note into my pocket, and attempted to brush by him. One of his hands curled around my wrist and held me fast. 

"Don't go."

"Unhand me and maybe I'll consider it," I snapped. 

His fingers released me and I glared up his body. "What do you want, Alucard?"

"You didn't appreciate them?" 

"They were beautiful," I admitted with a weary sigh. "My heart is still pounding, and I can hardly stand it."

"After all this time, you still don't trust me?" Alucard asked, tone faintly wounded, and I felt my restraint waver. 

"Don't be stupid. I trust you with my life, but I can't deal with _this_ ," I elaborated as I plucked the note from his fingers. "Just so you know, I would, and I'd want everything. I just want you to touch me, and that terrifies me."

He pulled me into his arms and my body rioted with desire. I gritted my teeth and growled at him in warning.

"Alucard...."

"Yes, my master," He answered formally, though his cool fingertips against my skin were far more intimate. He traced the side of my face with lingering slowness. "I want nothing more than what are you willing to give."

With a low sigh, I tilted my head and his fingertips skimmed along the side of my neck. The sensation was curiously pleasurable. His cold touch gave me chills and tightened my body. Alucard continued very softly. 

"Even if you only ever grant this small touch, it is more than I deserve."

I shuddered and pulled away. He wasn't making this easy. Suddenly all I wanted was to grab his tie and order him to kiss me. Of course, I didn't and instead walked right out the door and left him alone with his twisted desires. Once upstairs, I pulled out the note I'd shoved in my pocket. It was crumpled and I smoothed it out. Above all others, this one weakened my knees and scorched my throat. 

_Would you believe that I love you? Are those words meaningful from this monster’s lips_

"B-bastard," I breathed. 

My hands trembled as I shoved it back into my pocket and extracted another cigarillo. I lit it and went directly to the library. It was the only place I wanted to be when my thoughts were disturbed. I walked as quickly as I dared, eager to outrun the urge to run back downstairs and into his arms.


	2. Disclosure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra struggles to make peace with the revelation of Alucard's feeling. Rather forcefully when confronted by Walter about mysterious notes he found in the pockets of her clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I guess it's official. This will be a multi-chaptered fic. Not terribly long, but I wanted to present a full scope of emotional revelation and realism. 
> 
> Like the first chapter, it features elements from the tumblr blog, greatbloodypervert.

**"Disclosure"**

I was exhausted and irritable. The last mission had been a bloodbath and keeping the local authorities at bay was turning into a nightmare. I knew that I ought to punish Alucard for his lack of finesse, but I couldn't help but feel partially responsible for his foul mood. 

It had been a week since the incident with his love notes. I've barely been able to look into his eyes unless giving him orders, and I've been largely avoiding being alone with him. It's not as though I don't trust him. Honestly, I don't trust myself. 

There was a gentle knock on my office door. Unmistakably Walter's calling card, and I bid him entrance. He closed and locked the door behind him, and I frowned at the unsettled look upon his features. 

"I'm afraid I have a rather personal matter to address," Walter stated in lieu of greeting. 

"Oh?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light and innocuous. 

"I found these in the pockets of your various garments," He explained as he crossed the room and handed me a sheaf of familiar looking paper. 

_God, no._

I recognized the hand-writing and at a glance, the desperate, reverent tone to the words. Though a part of me wanted to linger over every note, I only allowed myself to skim through them. My eyes picked out particularly florid lines:

_What a mess you’ve made of me. I’d crawl and beg and lap at the toe of your boot for a single kiss._

_Your smell intoxicates me; your body is a sacred temple I long to desecrate with my mouth._

_All I want is eternity beneath your boot heel._

Good god, I could collect these little notes together and make millions off a book deal. The vampire certainly had a way with words. 

"I had no idea you had a suitor," Walter stated with impressive tact. 

"I don't," I replied wryly, though I felt a bit guilty as this was certainly a lie. Who could blame me? Alucard could hardly be considered a suitor. He was a temptation. The snake in the garden of Eden. 

Walter was silent for a long time. The man was no fool. He knew Alucard just as well as any Hellsing director, perhaps even more so having hunted by his side. 

"I see. May I assume they're from Alucard?" 

With a long-suffering sigh, I removed a cigar from the box at my elbow. I lit and inhaled deeply before exhaling a heavy cloud of smoke. 

"Yes."

"What will you do?" Walter inquired softly. 

"What _can_ I do?" I chuckled humourlessly. "Punish him? It seems a bit excessively cruel."

"Unfortunately true," Walter agreed sagely. "Anyway, I fear he'd enjoy even that."

I snorted. Alucard had a tendency toward masochism. As a child, when I'd struck him out of anger, I'd thought him mocking me when he'd smile or laugh. Upon getting a bit older, I began to get the idea that he was aroused by my dominance. After that, I'd strove to eliminate such abuse from my repertoire of punishment. Instead, I've found that denying him my attention was much more conducive to promoting good behaviour. Thinking of this, I was a bit embarrassed that I've only now realized the depth of his affection.

"How do _you_ feel, Sir Integra? I think that's the most important question you should be asking."

It had been plaguing me every night before I went to bed. I'd remember a snatch of elegant prose and my heart would skip a beat. My body would burn and grow tight. In the darkness of my chambers I could admit that I wanted him, quite likely as badly as he wanted me. His words had bewitched me, awakened something that I've been smothering since I'd been a fifteen-year-old girl noticing his sensual mouth and graceful hands. Who was I fooling? I'd been doomed the night he'd knelt at my feet, looked in my eyes, and grinned wickedly as he'd called me his 'master.'

"I am...certainly fond of him," I admitted haltingly. 

"Of that I'm well aware," Walter remarked rather drily. I didn't miss the faintest flicker of disapproval in his expression. It was gone like a ripple over water's surface, and I was left wondering if perhaps I was just being paranoid. 

"Is it that obvious?" I scowled as I ashed the tip of my cigar into an ashtray. 

Walter just shrugged. "You are your father's daughter. He was fascinated with Alucard, as well."

I shifted uncomfortably, and certainly hoped it hadn't gone further than that. The idea that my father could have been madly in love with Alucard raised my hackles. In more ways than one. That idle thought had brought me disturbing clarity. 

I really _did_ adore that insufferable creature. 

"If I may offer an opinion, my lady?" Walter's polite voice impinged on my restless reverie. 

"Of course," I replied. 

"I won't try to dictate how you handle this situation," Walter lectured gently. "However, I will urge you to careful. Alucard can be very seductive. He's erudite, well-spoken, and can even be quite well-mannered when it suits his end. I only hope you keep sight of what and _who_ he is."

I nodded, thanked him, and sank deeper into my chair as he left. There was no possible way I could tell him that Alucard's monstrosity was part of the allure. I'd not been seduced by his handsome face or silver tongue; I'd been seduced by the power he represented. That monster, though he could kill me with the barest flick of his wrist, revered and honoured me as his sovereign. Alucard obeyed only my word, was under my complete control, and it was quite apparent that he enjoyed every second of it. It was a true pleasure to see him on his knees, to know that he _yearned_ for my attention. 

There was that sensation again. I felt ravenous; I wanted to order him to undress me slowly and put his hands on my naked flesh. Thinking about it made me squirm, and I came to the disquieting notion that I was suffering the same as he. Yet I was somewhat relieved to arrive at this this conclusion. It made things a lot easier. 

If I swept away all the other rubbish it left me with two choices: Do I walk with him down this road of tortured longing? Did I dare instead enter his dark garden of desire and make him my own? I shuddered softly. The answer was crystal clear, and it was as terrifying as it was liberating.


	3. The Servant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra wants Alucard to prove his point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Strong themes of d/s

**"The Servant"**

"Walter found the little presents you left in my clothes," I told him without turning away from the library's window. 

Alucard chuckled softly. "I had to get your attention somehow."

I shook my head. He could be so _childish_ sometimes. He was well over five hundred years old, but he may as well have been a school boy caught passing notes by a teacher. I turned to look at him and crossed my arms over my chest. By the light of a lone reading lamp, he was truly unearthly. 

"What in blazes were you thinking, Alucard?" I demanded. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me? Walter _confronted_ me about them!"

"Oho!" He laughed. "And what did the Angel of Death have to say?"

I scowled and looked away. "He lectured me to be careful and not to forget your reality, despite how charming you can be."

Alucard snorted softly and slowly moved closer to me. "Typical, but what do _you_ want?"

I liked that he'd bothered to ask. It made this a little bit easier, though not by much. Anxiety crawled through me, but I would not give in to it. Instead I crossed to sit on the couch and extracted a cigarillo from my pack. I lit up and drew comfort in the smell of the spiced smoke. It made me feel a little stronger and prepared to enact the plan I'd hatched before inviting him to join me. 

"Honesty," I confessed softly. "That is all."

"Have I ever been anything less than honest with you?" Alucard asked. His voice was low, rich with sensuality. 

It made me clench a hand into a fist to keep from shivering. We were in the manor proper. This was _my_ domain. I would show no weakness here. Instead of answering his question, I pulled one of his notes from the inner pocket of my jacket. I was very pleased that my fingers did not shake. Clearing the last vestiges of my apprehension from my throat, I began to read. 

"I am content to be at your feet," I spoke his own words back to him, proud of how calmly I did so. "There is nothing more that I want than to serve you. What a mess you’ve made of me. I’d crawl and beg and lap at the toe of your boot for a single kiss. God, for you to just look at me in that way that is so full of pride and possession. When you stroke my hair as though I am nothing more than a hound at your heel, I am utterly and completely as ease."

His foot steps moved him just a little bit closer. "Do you wish me to assure you of my sincerity?"

I shook my head and stretched a hand out to him. "Come here."

Alucard obediently did as he was told. He did not take my hand, though. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Oh well. I withdrew my hand and put in my lap as I craned my neck to look up at him. 

"Kneel," I ordered. 

The vampire, once more, obeyed. The thrill of my dominance over him overcame my nervousness. It made me brave and bold when I looked down into his face. 

"Prove it," I challenged. 

"Eh?"

I waved the page in front of his face. "Do your words not say that you would lick the toe of my boot for a single kiss?"

Alucard grinned wickedly up at me. What an utterly shameless creature he was. I almost envied him. 

"Master, are you asking me to lick your boot?" 

"No," I replied. "I am _ordering_ you to, and my enjoyment of this task will dictate your worth of a kiss."

I watched in astonishment as Alucard prostrated at my feet and very slowly dragged his long tongue across the toe of my boot. It wasn't as though I had expected him _not_ to, he was quite depraved, but his expression took my breath away. Contentment. That was the only word that could possibly describe it. They were tall riding boots that I'd never gotten around to breaking in. Having found them still in the box, the shoes had never been worn outside or even around the estate. A relief truly. I'd not been relishing putting extensive plotting to this plan. I might have gotten cold feet in the end. 

As I stabbed out my cigarillo in a nearby ashtray, I enjoyed the view. Even as he laved his tongue along stiff black leather, his power radiated darkly. I exhaled softly as one of his hands slipped up the back of my calf. Fingers teased up my pant leg, revealing still more of my boot. Alucard followed the path of his fingertips with his tongue, licking a lingering trail all the way up to the top of the boot. I stroked his hair fondly while it was within my reach. God, I'd never seen such a gorgeous sight in my life. 

He watched me as he lifted the leg he was worshipping. Whatever he saw in my expression must have pleased him because he smiled and continued at his task. I leaned back, sinking deeper into the back of the couch. My eyes widened as he shifted to his knees and went so far as to slide his tongue over my boot heel. A moan escaped my lips, and he hummed in pleasure. My spine bowed as I tried not to squirm, and I stared as this No Life King lapped at every inch of my shoe's sole. I couldn't be sure if I was drunk on my power or his willingness to please. 

"Stop," I panted. 

He lowered my leg slowly, but in a way that left them splayed. Alucard pressed closer, hips nestling between my open thighs. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned into my space. His breath left no scent as he spoke softly. 

"Have I earned that kiss?" He teased. 

"I'd say so," I breathed as I grabbed his cravat and drew him in. 

Inexperienced as I was, I let Alucard take the lead for once. He kissed me softly, surprisingly so, but was quick to deepen the embrace. The tip of his tongue teased my lips open and I sighed as I granted him entrance. My pulse was tripping. He was quite good at this, though I supposed it should come to no surprise. Alucard had centuries of practice under his belt. I wrapped my legs around his waist as I felt a surge of possession. He was _mine_ now, and his kisses belonged only to me. It made me confident and I pushed back against him. I tilted my head and thrust my tongue against his. Though Alucard's breath left no trace, his mouth tasted bittersweet with the lingering flavours of copper and rich red wine. I imagined that I could taste leather as well. 

I had to pull away, though I idly thought that there surely must be benefits to having a lover that didn't have to breathe. He sought after my mouth again, but I stilled him with fingers against his lips. 

"Ah," I scolded with a smirk. "You only earned one kiss."

Wicked laughter rumbled through him. I gasped as he grasped my wrist gently and licked my index finger before sucking lightly at its tip. Even through my glove, his touch was tantalizingly cold. I loved the way he was looking at me: Somehow both famished and adoring. 

"However shall I earn a second kiss, my master?" Though he'd addressed me properly, his tone was obscene. 

"I'm sure I can think of some way."

**Finis.**


End file.
